Song
Live at Rock Beyond Belief--03/31/2012.
Lyrics
Jerry Falwell's god was standing by the elevator while we were talking about the party,
so we had to invite him. Secretly, we were all wishing that he wouldn't come, because
he's vengeful and jealous and he tends to smite people. And, of course, he knew we were
thinking that, so it made him all the more determined to show up and punish us. And I
wanted to invite my god, but I couldn't find him. But, Jerry Falwell's god is hard to
miss... the gossamer robe and the beard down to here, and the button that says, "What
would Jesus do?" And sure enough, day of the party, there he was at the door. And he
spoke, spaketh he, saying, "I AM COME." And I knew there was a joke there... but Jerry
Falwell's god will not be mocked. So I said, "Come in."
Jerry Falwell's god
Jerry Falwell's god
Huh!
Now, I'm no heavenly host, but I throw a decent party, and there were people of all
kinds there — black, white, Swedish, Norwegian, the whole human spectrum. And right
away, Jerry Falwell's god found the two people who would listen to him and began
spaking in a voice so loud, it made the Beastie Boys sound like the Vienna Boys Choir.
And he made the lame to walk. And these were my friends, so they were still lame, but
they could walk. And he turned the loaves to fishes, and the Oreos to Hydrox. And he
divided up the room, divided he, saying "Gays here, lesbians here, pagans here,
abortionists, feminists, civil libertarians, People for the American Way," and frankly,
some of us did not know where to stand. I went with the lesbians.
Jerry Falwell's god
Jerry Falwell's god
Huh!
And he pointed his huge finger at each group in turn, saying, "I blame you, and you,
and you, who have secularized society and cast me out of the town square," and I
thought, "Man you are the town square." He said, "Lo, I have lifted the Veil of
Protection, for the end days are here, and the judgment is nigh, where I will draw the
faithful to heaven and will leave the unrepentant to walk a desolate earth." And I
thought, "More polyester for the rest of us." And he spat fire, and he rained toads,
and he brought forth seven bowls of seven plagues, and finally I just said, "Look,
I'll tell you one thing Jesus would not do. Jesus would not wreck a guy's party. And
Jesus would not preach hate. And Jesus would not stand in the rubble and say, 'I told
you so.' And Jesus would not use an international catastrophe to score points for some
misogynistic, narrow, homophobic, anti-Semitic interpretation of his life and teaching.
And if people are jealous and judgmental and vengeful and violent, maybe it's because
you made them in your image. And if people have cast you out of the town square, maybe
it's because you are a finger-pointing, moralizing, rageaholic, stone drag who gives
deities a bad name! And if people have turned away from your word, maybe it's because
you have spinach in your teeth!" And he smote me.
Jerry Falwell's god
Jerry Falwell's god
Huh!
